Stay Lit!
Hell nah I’m not going to work!
That was my first minds’ response at least 10 times in the past 15 days.
Of course, my second mind said '“You better go get that money!! … What about the job… what about your bills… you know you don’t have a choice … just go to work”. So, I hoped in my car and did what I’ve been told I do best: handled up even though I didn’t feel like it. But this isn’t a conversation about how well I did. I don’t deserve kudos. I was tripping. I was carrying on going to work, knowing I really needed to go back to sleep, or to meditate or to do something for me. It felt like I was holding the weight of the world on my shoulders. Honestly, it seemed like something was missing but I didn’t know what I wanted much less what my problem was. In fact, I had been moving on auto-pilot so much I didn’t even ask myself what was wrong. Until one of my smoke signals went off: I woke up one morning and said I wanted to quit. Not just quit my job, but quit everything - my job, my business, church, family - EVERYTHING! And that scared me. Yet and still, I pushed. My internal sensors were screaming for self-care; my pragmatic coaching mind was admonishing me for not doing what I knew was right. In my heart I knew I needed a day off or a break from adulting in general. But that’s not what we’ve been taught.
Go to school they said. Get a job they told us. As long as you follow the system you’ll be fine they promised. Well, clearly that was either a lie or a truth with staunch facts omitted. Either way, all of that as-is isn’t working for me and I know I’m not alone. Whether we have realized it or not, many of us are tired, frustrated or looking for something different.
So maybe that’s why so many of us are tapping out. Or are we more fickle and less driven? Are we as lazy as they say? What’s really causing us to jump off the proverbial cliff (sadly, in some cases literally)?!
I’ve heard baby boomers say that our perception is off because every generation before ours has struggled, some even going so far as to say they struggled more. But I beg to differ. We know it takes hard work and dedication, plus patience to succeed. We aren’t foolish enough to believe that we should get something out of nothing. And as national economics will show, we still like nice things - we want to shop, travel, experience upscale living and impart a good lifestyle on our families also. But there’s a staunch difference between us and our elders. Even if they did struggle more they also lived in a time where you could survive with less. Something has got to give. So, whether or not America is paying attention, a big break is coming. And I believe this transition is going to light a flame that will inevitably stay lit for a long while!
First though, we have to address the darkness before we forge into the coming light. By darkness, I mean the growing population of adults under so much pressure they become toxic or explosive at any given moment. 46.6 million Adults have some form of anxiety or mental illness. Many of them are suffering more than coping and it shows in the way we live. From mass shootings to murder-suicides people are making grave and desperate attempts to say they are fed up with being used to the max emotionally, physically, and mentally.
It is hard adulting. It’s not easy getting up every day being responsible for your life and possibly the lives of others, navigating work, community and other obligations. We barely have time to think of what we really want out of life, much less tend to our health enough to be around to do any of it. But we aren’t going crazy for nothing. We aren’t off-kilter about something in society not being right. And the fact that we aren’t being heard, that a lot of people have been forced into corners where they have to become slaves to their lives, has resulted in a community in need and at large, a nation of sick individuals. According to a report from Business Insider (Nov 22, 2019) Blue Cross Blue Shield confirms an alarming 40% mortality rate differential for GenX’ers at that same age. This means we are literally dying faster from doing the same thing as what was being done before.
Not you? Not your family, friend, spouse, kid or coworker - right?
More than likely you’re wrong if you think that because chances are it is likely them and you, or it has been at one point. We’ve all been spoon-fed and conditioned into the same cycle. We’ve being trained to use a system that hasn’t been updated with the rapidly growing pace of society and technology - the two things that drive economics and advancement. Simply put it costs more to live and things move more quickly than when our parents were building their lives and we are struggling to keep up. All of that, combined with the reality that a lot of us saw our family members take deadly financial hits in the down turn of the nation’s market during the great recession and we don’t want to invest or buy property and end up in the same cycle of debt and foreclosure. We just aren’t as enchanted as our predecessors with the traditional methods of building wealth. To boot, most of us are so consumed by the cycle we can’t even begin to think about how to acquire these thing in real time. We just operate on auto-pilot going where we believe we should be and doing what we have been conditioned to think is mandatory.
That is until we give up, snap or break down. Then we don’t keep going. Then we stop. Things start breaking down. The system is impacted and then people pay attention. And the more we look around the more we encounter someone who tried to get help two steps before they snapped but no one paid attention. Everyone is too busy saying just keep going or it’s going to be alright. Even I myself as a motivator have encouraged my clients, followers and my own internal warrior to show up and perform in place of the human being inside me who was hurting. And while I really do believe the most successful people are those who can work whether motivated or not, I also believe that it is impossible to breed healthy and lasting results from sources that are sick and functioning at half-staff. For some of us, there are deeper issues causing stress and anxiety. But for a majority of us an increased work life balance, a shift in living situations, or change of careers would give us the zest back that makes us feel alive. I know that I personally work best when I am in good health and of a sound mind. I know to apply regular self assessment and self care. I’m usually pretty good about it but in 2019 I slipped and the long standing pressure weighed in on me. Burnout hits differently when you aren’t prepared to deal with it. The only way to stay prepared is to stay active. Functional stimulation has to be a thing - consistently and intentionally. Something you do just for you that is healthy and sparks your interests or supports your goals and dreams. Otherwise life will drain you dry.
In my own coping process, it took me almost a month of applying light self-care to discern that I needed something stronger, something deeper. And then as I laid out what I really need for my situation I realized two very powerful things. For one, I admitted to myself that I need to execute my official exit plan and to be vocal, bold and intentional about getting it done in 2020. Second, I understood that this burnout we are experiencing can be a motivator to really spark a flame and draw some of the changes we want to see for ourselves and our communities. Now is a time when social media, technology and just the raw talent of millennials has created many more avenues for creative freedom of expression. The market is a good climate for independent enterprise. We can create a full life that has the components we want even if we take an unpaved road to get there. On a larger scale, we can drive lasting changes for the coming generations to thrive on. In fact, at some levels I believe that is what is happening anyway. I also think that more of us need to be empowered to make those choices for ourselves and to be bold enough to make the changes we need in order for those lifestyle ideas to be a reality. Change is going to happen we may as well take advantage of it.
Now this is not a call to action for everyone to walk out of the office chanting “Who’s coming with me?” I might laugh if you did, but I certainly wouldn’t make the decision simply because you walked first. But I do think that calculated changes over time is the solution. Maybe it is that you need to leave your job. Or perhaps change careers / departments. Perhaps you aren’t fit for being a business owner. It could be that you need to take a few classes to get a different job / role. Or need to move to a busy town. Or a small town. Or take up a hobby or get a pet. I do not know exactly what you need to do for your burn-out remedy. But I do know that you’ve got to feed the spirit. At some point, you’ve got to ask the little loving voice inside what you really want out of life and then go after it - even if none of the above changes immediately. Make time for you - your ideas, your needs, your fears, your dreams, and your thoughts about life. Then, listen and take action. I know how hard it is. I also know how fulfilling it can be to take hold of your own destiny.
I do not have all of the answers. But I do have this newsletter to express myself, a recent self-care escape, some time off coming up, an exit strategy and a well laid plan for my goals. I would say if your like I was go sit down somewhere, regroup, find a half of a smile and then get your exit plan and life strategy together as well. Your life is a light. Our lives collectively create an illuminated path for those coming behind us. Don’t let these times keep you burnt out. Figure out your ultimate goal, spark a flame by taking action - and stay lit! - Be Well, Triece
